Peter and Brian in There's a Criminal in My House
by Bobby South
Summary: I now present to you my very best spoof of my favourite movie of all time - 'The Wrong Trousers'. My tribute to two great animators continue. As a bonus, there are two characters from American Dad!
1. Introduction

Family Guy presents:

Peter Griffin and Brian Griffin as Wallace and Gromit

In

THERE'S A CRIMINAL IN MY HOUSE

By

Bobby South

My very best tribute to both of these duos continues as they now spoof in my favourite movie or TV or whatever of all time, _The Wrong Trousers_.

Note: I do not own any of these. Wallace and Gromit were created by the genius of stop-motion, Nick Park, and _Family Guy_ was created by the mad mad Seth MacFarlane.

Cast List

Peter Griffin as Wallace

Brian Griffin as Gromit

Stewie Griffin as Feathers McGraw

Featuring:

Dr. Hartman as the dresser

Al Harrington as himself

Tom Tucker as himself

Diana Simmons as herself

Ollie Williams as himself

Stan Smith (from _American Dad!_) as himself

Roger the Alien (from _American Dad!_) as Stan's "son"

* * *

The Griffins were driving to the Drive-in Movie Theatre. When they got there, they discovered that they couldn't watch any movies because it was under construction. When Peter tried to turn the car around, he couldn't. The engine wouldn't start and the engine exploded!

Lois called the Breakdown Service. Later, she told everyone, "Well, the Breakdown Service will be here, but we have to wait for about an hour."

"An hour!" exclaimed everyone.

"Great! We have no food, no water, no more clothes and nothing to do!" moaned Brian.

"_I_ have something," said Stewie.

"Really? What?"

"A story!"  
"Is it about the one where you had a date with Matt Lucas and John Barrowman?"

"No!" snapped Stewie. "It's the next story about Wallace and Gromit. All right, everyone, pay attention..."


	2. Happy Birthday, Gromit!

"_Space. The final frontier. Possessing the ability to recreate an exact likeness of an object or person – "_

"No! Wait! Wait! That's not from _Star Trek_! That's from _Captain Scarlet_!" complained Gromit. He was in space, floating away from the satellite. He was wearing a space helmet, a class space uniform, with except of strange green trousers.

"Never mind that, Gromit!" the satellite controller argued back. "Just shut the hell up and tell me what it's like to be the first dog to try out those new NASA trousers in space."

"Well," began Gromit. "They're, eh – loose and, eh – falling down to Earth!" He was correct! The green trousers were falling down.

Then – GURGLE! Gromit's stomach rumbled and, for some reason, he began to balloon.

"Are you all right?" the satellite controller asked. "Are you feeling okay? What did you have for breakfast? I see a whole box of beer gone!"

"My – my liver's growing! And dying!" were Gromit's last words as he ended up like a dying and screaming star.

* * *

He continued to scream… in the living on 62 West Wallaby Street. On Earth. "Phew!" sighed Gromit, wiping his head. "I'm glad Nick Park didn't put _that_ scene in his version."

Then the room echoed with the breakfast signal, causing Gromit to fall back and fall off his chair. "I wish he didn't put this in his vision, too," muttered Gromit. "This beeping machine is as bad as that Volcano movie with Tommy Lee Jones!"

Upstairs in his bedroom, lazy old Wallace in his vest and polka underpants was in his bed, pushing the 'Breakfast' button on the service machine.

"Come on, Gromit!" he called to downstairs. "It's my turn for breakfast. I want an omelette with waffles and… Whoa! Not that way!"

But too late. His bed leaned over and Wallace fell straight through.

Gromit had just pulled the lever down and went to get through the mail. He opened one birthday card and read it. It was a birthday card and played _Celebration good times_ by Kool and the Gang.

Wallace landed on his chair, groaning. "Why didn't I become a stuntman? My arse has fallen for this chair hundred times. And I've ripped nine of my trousers every week."

Then he reached out as two white selves covered his arms. Then he reached up and the dresser robot threw his tank over his head, but it got jammed halfway down the stomach. The robot struggled to help and left annoyed.

"Hey, robot, I need help!" cried Wallace.

"Then the only help I can suggest, sir – is you exercise and do stuff yourself!" shouted the robot and left.

Then Gromit pressed the red button on the table and a spoon flicked jam from the pot and flew. Wallace nearly got his tank top down, when the jam shot in his face causing the tank top right back to his head. Five seconds later, the toast shot out of the toaster and landed on the plate.

Gromit couldn't help chuckling.

"What are you laughing at?" asked an angry Wallace.

"I believe it's April's Fool Day," lied Gromit.

"No, it's not," argued Wallace. "It's February 12th. And that means – "

Gromit looked hopeful, wagging his tail.

"I'd better check the mail, so if you could just chuck them to me," finished Wallace.

"Oh," sighed Gromit sadly, as he gave Wallace the post.

Wallace took the post, opened the first one and read it. "Oh, my good god!" cried Wallace. "They're all bloody bills! And your presents didn't help mu – Oh, shit!" cried Wallace again, realizing his stupid mistake.

Unfortunately, Gromit looked up from his paper and Wallace knew he heard that.

"Well, Gromit, it's about 9:05 and do you know what that means?"

Of course Gromit knew that. He's up before 9:05 on any day! He knew the Virgin train would come by. But _today_ it had something he had never seen before. A present wrapped up. Wallace picked it up.

"Happy Birthday, chuck!" cheered Wallace happily. "I wonder what this is could be?"

Gromit happily took the present and unwrapped it. But then his happy mood was turned 360 degrees around. "What the hell are you doing to me?" asked a shocked Gromit, when he received a read lead and a collar with spikes. "I'm not a bulldog."

Wallace was listening and went to put it around Gromit's neck. "Now, you look like one. And that's just the first thing. Come and look in the hall." And Gromit followed.

Gromit went to the hall. He couldn't see Wallace but he wasn't alone. There was something coming into the hall. Gromit was too scared to move and all he could do was lift his arm up and hold it. With his eyes closed, of course. "Strong with the Force I am," whispered Gromit. "If Yoda tells anyone, believe in the Force or you will fail."

He bravely opened his eyes and saw a strange pair of legs. Gromit felt proud of himself. "The Force _is_ with me!"

Then Wallace came in, laughing his head. "You are _not_ one with the Force and be grateful you've not destroyed your best birthday present of the year or our lifestyle."

"Lindsay Lohan's legs?"

"No!" chuckled Wallace, tearing the paper off. "Here you are – NASA's ex techno trousers! Perfect for walking… in the Lake District."

Gromit didn't look impressed. In fact, he went so white he could be mistaken for snow dog. It was the trousers from his nightmare. But Wallace couldn't notice, not even if he polished his glasses so he tied Gromit's lead to from the techno trousers to his new collar. Then he programmed the walk to the city for two hours. And soon Gromit felt like getting dragged by a policeman from _Eastenders_.

"Have a nice walk, Gromit," Wallace said.

"I doubt I'll have that," groaned Gromit.

* * *

Gromit was glad to be out of those trousers and on Infusion, the giant roller coaster in Blackpool. As he climbed up, he saw the techno trousers, wearing red trunks, walking on the beach nearby. On each side of them, they had two sexy young women – one ginger hair woman wearing a green swimsuit and one black woman wearing a white bikini.

Gromit was glad they were occupied as he screamed and threw up as he fell down the track.

"Lancashire's Bills Paying and Saving Direct! Lancashire's Bills Paying and Saving Direct! Lancashire's Bills Paying and Saving Direct! Hi, I'm Al Harrington of Al Harrington's Lancashire's Bills Paying and Saving Direct! Due to increases taxes and a poor prime minister, bills are getting harder to pay and I am trying to help you!"

Well, that TV commercial didn't help Wallace's ideas to pay his bills.

"Oh, dear," he sighed. "It's no use prevaricating about the bush. Even this statue of George Bush." He had a statue of Former President George Bush.

Then a knock on the door led him to the door and opened it. It was a man and his strange looking ginger-hair groovy son.

"Hello, sir," greeted the man. "CIA Agent Stan Smith." His "son" coughed. "And this is my son, Roger."  
"Yeah, baby," said Roger. "I hear you're short on cash so we're trying to help to be a member in our charity corporation – Rock Money for Brainless Morons!"

"No, thanks," said Wallace, getting out the statue. "May I interest you in this George Bush statue?"

"Delightful! I'll give you… $20,000 for it," offered Stan, giving the money and taking the statue.

Wallace knew _that _wouldn't help and got out another statue. "For British money, would anyone of you be interested in this Gordon Brown statue?"

* * *

Later, the trousers returned with Gromit, sitting on a trolley. He was so focused on seeing Wallace put a "Room to Lent, all year around though", that he was dragged into the house off the trolley. He was glad to be on a sofa and spend quiet time knitting.

"Nice walks? How were the techno trousers?" asked Wallace.

"Whatever!" muttered an annoyed Gromit.

Then the door bell answered. Wallace got up and went to answer it.

"Wow, it's for the room," Gromit heard Wallace shout cheerfully. "And only ten minutes in. That's awesome! Come in and see for yourself."

Gromit saw Wallace headed up the stairs and following him was -


	3. The Penguin takes the Dog's Place

"A Penguin! Have you got a problem with _that_?" asked the visitor.

"No," muttered a scared Gromit.

"There'd better not be," warned the penguin, as he walked up the stairs.

"I've never been this scared since the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man spread obesity in town," whispered Gromit to himself.

_A few years ago, in town, people were running away. They were running from the giant Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. The Ghostbusters – Wallace and Gromit, duh! – arrived and began firing their beams at the Marshmallow Fat Arse! It was destroyed, but marshmallow spread across town and a lot of people died with fat arses, stomachs and penises and tits!_

Wallace let the penguin to the spare room.

"Well, just inspect, tell us your perfect room idea and me and Gromit will make your life heaven," said Wallace proudly.

The penguin took a look at the worst room ever he had ever seen – no carpets, no wallpaper, an old worn bed, a rotten cupboard and loose nails.

"Oh, you are joking!" shouted the penguin. "This is the worst room than the room I spent at Fawlty Towers!"

_Years ago, the penguin spent time at Fawlty Towers__ in Torquay. Only ten minutes after he checked in, Basil Fawlty, the owner, and his Spanish Waiter, Manuel, came to see him._

_"Well, what's the matter?" Basil demanded to know._

_"This is the very worst hotel I stayed at!" answered the penguin. "Rats in the bathroom, moss in the window, your chef, Terry, gave a crappy cheese sandwich and your stupid waiter gave me the wrong luggage!"_

_"_Que?_" asked Manuel._

_Basil grabbed him by the ear and dragged him out of the door. Then all the penguin could hear was a fall down the stairs and a big Spanish scream._

_"This is the best part of my holiday yet," the penguin chuckled to himself._

* * *

Later, Wallace was later repainting the room, but not for the penguin. For Gromit!

"Wallace, I know we need the bloody money, but is it really worth to move your best friend from his best room to the crappiest room in the house?" complained Gromit.

"Gromit, we're going through a tough time. Besides, we keep him here for a couple of years, pay the bills and we'll be back to normal."  
"A COUPLE OF YEARS?"

"Oh, shut up and try out your new present!" commanded Wallace.

Gromit sighed and went into his trousers. He put his straps on and pressed a button. The trousers did Gene Kelly movements. Gromit presses another one that made the trousers be worn by Michael Jackson. Gromit then acted like Fred Astaire without Ginger Rogers.

"Stop playing with them and get to work on the ceiling!" yelled Wallace.

Gromit angrily bashed his controls and he flew up and crashed the ceiling just like the Looney Tunes Coyote! He was hanging like a loose bulb needing to be changed and he walked began to decorate the room.

"See, I told you these techno trousers were wonderful," said Wallace proud of himself. "Oh, I'm sorry."

He just bumped into the penguin. As Wallace left, the penguin walked into the room and saw Gromit painting the ceiling.

"What are you looking at?" asked an annoyed Gromit.

"Wow, you're a smart dog, aren't you?" chuckled the penguin in a suspicious way.

As if his birthday wasn't already cocked up, he had to sleep in that dismal bedroom on the same night. And he could hear _Life on Mars _by David Bowie in his ex-room owned by the penguin.

In the morning, that "bastard penguin" beat him to the bathroom and putting the slippers onto Wallace's feet.

"Thanks," said Wallace. "But why are you doing that?"

"I was a bit rude to you, so I want to make it up to you," the penguin answered.

But Gromit knew he was up to something. And his mood didn't change as he moved down to the sofa the next night. _Life on Mars _could _still_ be heard. He had enough. He went to his ex-room and knocked on the door.

"Knock! Knock!" shouted Gromit.

"Who's there?" asked a voice.

Gromit turned around and saw the penguin behind him. "Just checking your door was secured."

The penguin walked to the door, bashed it and the door fell down. "You're not doing a good job, dog!"

But Gromit wasn't a fooled dog and he knew the penguin did that on purpose. But, in the morning, Gromit was beaten by the penguin getting the newspaper.

"How about that, then, Gromit?" asked Wallace. "Some guess we got."  
"Yes, I want to be friends with all of you, instead of just money-making business, just like Bill Gates is," boasted the penguin. Then everything was silent and nothing happened. "What? No clip? But this is a good clip!" But the clip never came.

* * *

The next night he was in the kennel, with only a blanket and ear-muffs. He saw Wallace and the penguin through the window. They were watching television.

"Can you believe that Jonathon Ross, eh, penguin?" giggled Wallace.

"Yes, he sure does take the mickey out of everyone," agreed the penguin as he turned around to face Gromit.

Gromit hurtled himself into his kennel and started packing. He packed his bones, his Look! Magazines and his supplies of condoms! He sadly looked at the picture of Wallace puking over Gromit at Chesington: World of Adventures. Then, covered in his yellow coat, Gromit ventured into the rain, looked at No. 62 and finally moved out onto the street.

Outside, the penguin chuckled, satisfied that Gromit left. He turned around with a drill in his wing and started to work on the techno trousers. Then someone else was there.

"Tim Allen!" The Penguin _was_ surprised. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What with no more _Home Improvement_ and not enough _Toy Story_ to keep me busy, I need to find work and this is the best I could find," answered Tim.

The penguin smiled. "Very well. You can have this job." And thunder danced around those spooky eyes.


	4. I knew it!

Wallace was enjoying his lie-in.

"Oh, that was lovely beer!" sighed Wallace happily. "Who says that having a lie-in is wasting your life? This _is_ life and – "

Then the bed lunged forward and Wallace slipped down through the hall and landed in the dining hall. He didn't land in a chair, but into a pair of trousers.

"Hey, it's the wrong trousers!" complained Wallace. "The bloody wrong trousers." Then he looked down to where the controls used to be, but not there anymore as there instead was gold plating, saying, "This is dictated to Tim Allen, who committed suicide due to the cancellation of _Home Improvement_."

Then the trousers beeped and Wallace began to walk!

"Now, stop this, Gromit!"

But the trousers didn't stop and Gromit wasn't in sight.

* * *

It was a bright and sunny morning. Not a bird in the sky or a car on the road. But there was an alarm clock… in a dustbin! The lid opened and Gromit was thrown out.

"I'm sorry about the alarm clock, Mr. Oscar," began Gromit, "but –"

"It's not the alarm clock," interrupted Oscar the Grouch. "It's because you can't afford my rent. My breakfast and bed service may seem cheap, but I need money you know."

And he closed down the lid. Gromit sighed and walked off. Later, he looked at signs for rooms to lend. All he could find was no dogs allowed, no pets allowed and no Edward Wood Jr. fans allowed. He sighed, then he saw something. A Wanted sign for a chicken with the prize of £10,000.

"With that money, I could afford a house much more grander than Peter Kay's." Then he heard more screaming! "Help! Gromit!"

Gromit turned around to see Wallace running down the streets and going so fast that he past Rocky Balboa!

"You wanna fight?" shouted Rocky and went after Wallace.

Gromit was so confused that he just walked away. Then he bumped into a red speeding light. A poster lands on his head. He pulls a poster off his head. It read, "Join the DC Flash Charity Race to sponsor the DC enterprise. Techno trousers are allowed!"

Wallace's trouser finally stopped at electrical recycling area.

"Finally," panted Wallace. "A chance for me to get rid of these bloody trousers for good!"

"What's going on, Wallace?" asked Gromit as he caught up with Wallace. "If you want, you could have _my_ present and I'll buy myself an Apple laptop, since Bill Gates let us down with the – "

"NO! It's the bleeding wrong trousers, Gromit, and they've gone bloody wrong!" shouted Wallace, walking away again. "Stop them, Gromit! Get me out!

But Gromit could see something else – the penguin with the techno trousers controls on a remote. Gromit followed him and tried to get a better look. He fell down, crashing a microwave. The penguin turned around, but saw nothing.

"Just another watt exploding," he muttered and walked away, meddling with the controls.

Gromit, hiding himself, had saw everything and knew what to do.

* * *

Gromit followed the penguin back to 62 West Wallaby Street, but he didn't go in it. He hid in a Starbucks's shop and look in a pair of binoculars. He could see Wallace yawning and went to bed… in Gromit's techno trousers.

"Wow, Wallace! After a thirty minute jog in town and you're going back to bed already?" asked Gromit cheekily.

Then the penguin walked out. When the time was right, Gromit followed and left some change. A waiter came to pick it up. "Hey, boss!"

The chief waiter came. "What?"

"This customer left change more than he should have. I feel like we must give him it back."

"No," argued the chief waiter. "If he gave us _that_ money, we should keep it. _I _need to take my family on holiday for the first time in five years."

"But this is thieving!" shouted the young waiter.

"Yeah, but we'll get away with it!"

Gromit tracked the penguin to the museum, thanks to the Ghostbusters's ghost tracker. He threw it in the empty cardboard box. The box rattled and Slimer shot up and flew away. The Ghostbusters followed it. Then Gromit decided to use the box and put it over him.

Inside the box, Gromit met Cyclopes from the X-Men. He used his laser to open to cut the holes for Gromit's eyes to see. He saw the penguin measuring up to a window. Then he saw Tigger bouncing near him.

"Oh, Tigger, could you give me a lift up there?" asked the penguin.

"Bouncing up to windows is what Tiggers do best," answered Tigger.

The penguin jumped onto Tigger's back and Gromit witnessed the two reaching to the window. Tigger jumped down. Then the penguin measured the window. Then…

"Help!" the penguin shouted. "I'm stuck and I can't get down!"

Then Spider-Man arrived and helped him to the ground.

"Thanks, Spider-Man," greeted the penguin, as he waved goodbye. Then he began walking. Then he saw a box with real-life eyes. He walked on and peered in. Then a strange sound is heard and the penguin could see a strange brown-hooded creature in a brown clock. The penguin quickly ran away.

Then Gromit lifted the box and he saw Obi-Wan Kenobi taking his hood off.

"Hello, there. Come here, my little friend. Don't be afraid.

Gromit didn't know what to say or do, but just to walk away.

* * *

Gromit ran back to 62 as fast as he could. He ran up to his room and was stunned to see that his bone wallpaper was replaced by fish.

"This is terrible! My wallpaper! Dammit, Wallace, we wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't start this "room to lend" business!" he shouted. Then he realised he went off track and ran to the desk. On it, he found Michael Scofield's plans for breaking his brother Lincoln Burrows out! To make matters worse, he heard the dog flap!

Gromit made sure the room was like he never entered it and hid under the bed sheets with Wallace. Wallace let out a great big fart in bed! Gromit hold his breath, trying not to cough. Then he saw the penguin coming through with a red rubber glove on his head. It was Feathers McGraw from the poster!

Feathers looked at himself with his hand mirror. "Well, this is going to be move convincing than trying to shag Lindsay Lohan!"

_A few years ago, Feathers was wearing red swimming trunks and was wearing a Matt Damon haircut. He walked to Lindsay Lohan in a __brown bikini on a beach in Florida. _

_"Hey, there," Feathers said, trying to put on the best Matt Damon voice he could do. "I'm working on this new Jason Bourne movie and I thought you could play the woman who helps him._

_"Well… I'll check with my manager," she replied. She then got her phone out and began to rang._

_Feathers sat by her and rubbed his wing on her back._

_"Uh, I already had a massage," she snapped._

_"One more won't hurt," Feathers said calmly and charmingly._

_She had enough and began to turn. "Look, if you don't piss off – "_

_Then Feathers leaned his beak onto her lips! They kissed passionately and they fell down, making out!_

Feathers wasted no time putting the helmet on Wallace, getting him out of bed (but he was still asleep and he walking like Captain Jack Sparrow), leading him out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

But that rumbled the room and that started the bed to lean out. That wouldn't be so bad… if Gromit wasn't still hiding in it! Since he was skinny, he slid down quickly, getting into Wallace's trousers!

He screamed as he hid the chair. "Ah! My balls!"

Then the white sleeves caught his arms and the sweater landed on top of him.

"Well, sir, you took my word," cheered the dresser robot. "Listen to a robot sometimes. Just like Luke Skywalker does with C-3PO and R2-D2."

"I'm not Wallace, I'm Gromit!" shouted Gromit.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, your jam and toast awaits you."

The dresser robot wheeled itself away as Gromit turned around to see jam coming without the toast to hit it. So it hit the poor dog's face instead. He sighed and looked up.

"God, could life get any more depressing?"


	5. Breaking and Entering

Feathers McGraw led Wallace to the museum. "Boy, this is going slower than those chickens escaping Tweedy's Farm!" he muttered loudly to himself.

_A few years ago, Feathers McGraw was inside Tweedy's Farm. One night he was digging a hole outside his hut. Ginger and__ the other chickens were there, watching him._

_"Feathers, what are you doing?"__ demanded Ginger._

_"I can't wait long!" shouted Feathers. "I have to get out."_

_So Feathers carried on, digging and finally made a tunnel under the barbed wire. __He was free! The chickens decided to follow him. When they got to the end of the hole, the dogs were there! The chickens dived in, but Ginger was picked up and thrown into the coal bunker by the farmer, Mr. Tweedy. _

_Feathers, away from the farm, saw this and laughed at this, putting the L sign finger on his head. "Ha! Ha! Losers!" And he walked away._

Feathers climbed onto the right foot of the trousers and they began to walk on the wall. The trousers reached the window and Feathers jumped and made Wallace climb up. He spread the map and looked inside the window. Wallace popped down from the ceiling. Feathers drew Wallace closer. "Come on, Fatso!" he cried.

Luckily, Wallace was sleep walking, because, if he was awake, he would never get past the lasers, see the nude Kate Moss statue or see the oldest beer bottle ever created in history!

Wallace stopped and hovered above the diamond.

"Now to lower the hook," muttered Feathers, as he did so.

The hook flew down and caught the jewel. Feathers was very happy and he was dancing around.

"Hooray! And they said this was too difficult! Ha!"

But the happy penguin had totally lost focus on Wallace and – You know what happened from the real movie. Feathers was now really panicking as the alarm set off, not to mention Wallace was waking up!

"Holy Crap! Where the hell am I?" asked Wallace. He was so confused that he had no idea where the hell he was going. He stopped at the window.

Feathers didn't stop panicking. Then he saw three young lads on the next-door building and he had an idea.

"Hey! You guys looking for a girlfriend? With a face like that, no chance!" he called them.

The guys responded... by throwing rocks. Feathers was dodging the rocks and they were hitting the window instead. One hit the middle glass and it span over like they won the prize of a-knock-off-the-coconuts-stall at a fun fair.

"Whoa! What the hell is happening? Get me the f*** down! Now!" shouted Wallace.

Feathers climbed onto his back and they trotted down.

At the other building, the children were laughing. Then they turned around and met Inspector Jack Frost and Inspector Morse.

"I'm arresting you for breaking into that museum!" shouted Frost. He tried to grab them, but Morse pushed them out of the way.

"Hey, I'm arresting!" shouted Morse.

"No, I am!" argued Frost. "You're not funny. That's why I got a better career than you."

"Really?" asked Morse sarcastically. "I have won more National Television Awards than you!"

While the officers were arguing, the boys were moving!

* * *

Back at 62 West Wallaby Street, Feathers escorted Wallace into his room.

"Boy, did that hot hooker give me a boner!" citied Wallace. Then he was shocked when Feathers took off his glove of his head. "Good lord, it's you!"

"Yes, it's me, you arsehead!" shouted Feathers. "How many criminal penguins do you see?"

And, with that, Feathers turned Wallace around and walked him to the wardrobe.

"Let me out!" muffled Wallace. "I'll give you AIDs!"

Feathers wasn't listening. He grabbed the diamond and put it in the bag. He began to walk out but was stopped by Gromit, holding a rolling pin.

"You're not going anywhere!" shouted Gromit. "Now put the diamond down!"

But Feathers drew out a revolver and pointed at Gromit. "YOU put the pin down!" he shouted, putting on Jack Bauer voice on.

Gromit put his hands up and Faethers escorted him to the wardrobe. He locked them in together and began to leave.

Inside the wardrobe, things weren't looking great.

"How do you do?" was all Wallace could say.

"Now you're interested in _me_?" asked an angrily Gromit.

"What's that suppose to mean?" demanded an insulted Wallace.

"You know what!" replied Gromit. "Wait a minute! You wouldn't know, would you? We wouldn't be in this mess, if you hadn't welcomed him in."

"All right, that's it!" And Wallace charged for Gromit and the best friends started to fight, but did they see what was happening? Because if they did –


	6. Catch that Damn Penguin!

They would be aware that the wardrobe was moving as they were fighting.

"What the douche?" asked Feathers, who was watching this. He grabbed his bag and he ran for the door. But, even when he left the room, the wardrobe was jammed like a piece of toast stuck in the toaster, like the dresser robot experiments every day. Then Gromit restrained from fighting from Wallace and saw Feathers.

"Come here, you tiny bastard!" shouted Gromit, trying to capture him, but Feathers jumped down and landed in the coal bunker of the toy train.

"Hmm, just like landing in the real coal!" he muttered to himself.

Back up on the stairs, Wallace was falling down the stairs in the wardrobe and Gromit jumped up and grab the light.

"Oh, thanks for saving the fat man (!)" muttered a mean Wallace.

Upstairs, Horton the elephant was listening to a flower. "Sorry, but what can I do?" he demanded. "If I use my trunk, I would kill everyone! Like taking the petals off!" And he did so, ignoring the cries.

Then a bullet passed through Gromit's head and hit the lamp. He fell on the train.

In the train, everything wobbled, which didn't help the disappointment of the Simpsons.

"I can't believe Matt Groening locked us in here and surrounded to Seth MacFarlane!" complained Homer.

"Well, Homer, you know what they say, 'New is in and Old is out'," interrupted Bart.

"Then how come we're not getting older?" pointed out Lisa.

"We must be immortals!" said Bart.

"But if we are, why are we cooped up in a train?" asked Marge.

"That's the curse of immortals!" answered Bart.

And the Simpsons screamed their head off, while only Bart chuckled and Maggie sucked her dummy.

* * *

Back outside, Feathers saw the dog flap on the door and fires it. "Freedom, here I come!" he cheered.

"Not so fast!" shouted Gromit, as he reached out and pushed the red button.

"What the douche?" demanded Feathers, as he noticed the train had changed tracks and was moving off.

"What the hell?" screamed Wallace as he landed on the back off the train and joined the party. "Don't worry, Gromit! I'm right behind you!"

"Yes! Aren't you just?" muttered Gromit.

_He was remembering the time he was at the West Wallaby Pokémon Stadium. Wallace and Gromit were fighting off Ash and his best __friend __Pikachu._

_"Er, Gromit, use the Force!" commanded Wallace._

_"What?" Gromit knew that was impossible. And even if it was possible, it wouldn't be enough for Pikachu's Lighting Bolt, which fried Gromit to dust._

_"Ash and Pikachu win!" announced the announcer. "It seems that Pokemon has enough to stand up against and take over George Lucas!"_

_All that was left of Gromit was his glaring eyes that rolled over to a scared Wallace._

"Take that, fat man!" shouted Feathers, as he shot past Gromit and –

HIT! No, not Wallace's foot, but a switch that made Wallace jumped tracks. He was going faster past them.

"Hang in there, Gromit! Everything's under control!" called Wallace to Gromit. He rolled to Feathers and snatched the gun. "I'll take that, loser!" And he showed it on his forehead with his finger. He then looked ahead and saw the kitchen hatch. Wallace couldn't get off and he crashed into it, but quickly flew like an eagle and landed on the trolley. And what he didn't see was a crowd cheering and taking pictures of him!

"Very sexy for a bald and hair chest-less man!" chuckled Hugh Hefner, on his judge table, along with three sexy ginger-hair women in yellow bikinis and boots.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gromit took off his bulb and started crawling to towards Feathers.

"Stop, Gromit!" a voice called. Gromit did stop and look backwards. So did Feathers. They could see Wallace on the trolley riding along. He was carrying a net.

"Leave this to me! I'll get the little bastard!" he boasted, aiming the net. But then he was swooped off the trolley, because he and his net were hanging on a mammoth head.

"Get the hell off my face!" shouted Manny the Mammoth. Wallace let go and landed on the train.

"You meant, "Get the heck off my hairy face?", eh, Robin Williams?" chuckled the sloth head called Sid who was next to Manny.

"Shut up, Sid!" ordered Manny.

"No wonder they don't come after _me_," groaned the sabre-toothed tiger called Diego. "It's my teeth that are scaring the hunters."

Back on the track, Gromit would've caught Feathers if the penguin git hadn't pulled the nail out and made his engine further out ahead of the carriages.

"Two slow!" laughed Feathers. "No wonder the Cancer Research UK isn't raising enough money!"

And, with that, he caught a switch and made the carriages go to another track. Wallace and Gromit were watching for their doom. Then Gromit quickly caught a box of spare track and laid it down as fast as he could.

"Are we jumping lightspeed, Gromit?" chuckled Wallace.

"Ha (!) Ha (!) Very funny (!)" muttered Gromit, not finding it funny.

"Oh, mind the Megan Fox table!" shouted Wallace.

Gromit looked ahead. He saw a table with Megan Fox legs on it. They went under. Wallace was looking under and was amazed. "Wow!" he said looking up. He was disappointed, when they were leaving. "Oh, come on!"

* * *

Feathers was feeling proud of himself, as he was near the end of his journey. Then he turned around and saw a squad of six X-Wings.

"We're in position!" said the Red Leader. "I'm going to cut across the axis and try and draw his fire!"

The X-Wings dived in and began firing at him, but Feathers fired bullets and the squad went out like a supernova. Then Spider-Man appeared to use his last web ever. Feathers made sure of that. Then he fired a Kryptonite bullet and Superman was super no longer.

But Wallace and Gromit were catching up.

"Hurry up, Wallace! My arms are aching!" Gromit groaned.

Wallace reached as far as he could and he caught the train! But no Feathers? Not even the lost feathers of his favorite feather duster.

But there was still hope. Feathers was still in the coal bunker and was slowing down.

"Missed me?" asked Gromit as he was catching up with the pesky penguin!

"All yours, Gromit!" called Wallace.

Then they both looked ahead and saw Angelina Jolie walking in the techno trousers. Feathers was so focusing on her that he didn't see that his engine bump into the foot. And so Feathers was really now being a bird in the air, but Wallace and Gromit were more birds of a feather because they were looking up and trying to grab him together.

Gromit was so focused on Feathers that he crashed into the cupboard and caught a falling bottle. Feathers was coming in to land…

"In a bloody milk bottle?" And he was. Feathers had finally been caught in a milk bottle. And the diamond fell into Gromit's right paw.

Wallace came up to them. "Well done! We did it!" He cheered.

"_We_?" murmured Gromit. "I used all the energy in my paws putting tracks on for us!"

"Yeah, but I snatched the gun and the engine!" argued back Wallace.

While man and dog were arguing, Feathers tried to escape the bottle, but he wouldn't even budge. "Oh, dear," he said. "I'm going to have to do a – ". And he did. A big one.

* * *

The next day, the news was on TV.

"Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker," greeted the man.

"And I'm Diana Simmons," greeted the woman.

"We now go live to Ollie Williams for the weather forecast. What is it, Ollie?"

"BOILING HOT!" shouted Ollie Williams.

"Thanks, Ollie," said Tom.

"Now," said Diana, "we go over to Tricia Takanawa. How's the zoo, Tricia?"

Tricia was at West Wallaby Zoo. "Well, Diana, why don't you ask these creatures here yourself?" She turned around to a polar bear and gave the microphone to him. "Sir, how do you feel like your freedom's been taken away from you?"

"Well, Tricia," began the polar bear. "I have the freedom here. I'm in heaven. With all the fish and the ice –"

"Thank you, sir," interrupted Tricia. "Now let's find someone who doesn't like it here to get us more viewers."

"Well, this is okay… if it weren't too damn hot!" shouted a camel.

"I'm stuck in disgusting muck!" shouted a warthog.

"I'm angry! Angry!" shouted Feathers. "When I get out of here, I'll trick those two bastards that threw me in here. I'll build my base right here under the zoo and that will lead – "

Wallace had enough telly and so did Gromit.

"That money we got for catching that bird that can't fly away paid off all our debts," said Wallace proudly. "And no more lodgers. More trouble than they're bloody worth!"

"You can say that again," muttered Gromit under his throat.

"I could just fancy a beer, Gromit. Would you say, Guinness?" asked Wallace.

"Yes, Master Qui-Gon," muttered Gromit in a Ewan McGregor accent.

"Don't forget the umbrellas!" shouted Wallace.

While Gromit went to deal with the beer in the kitchen, he took one last good look of his birthday present and thought "good riddance"! In fact, the riddance was so good that the trousers began to sparkle and the foot was starting to move.

Wallace and Gromit raised their glasses and nearly drowned their necks with beer.

"All's well that ends well, that's what I always say," said Wallace proudly.

"Actually, Wallace, that's the first time I ever heard you say that," protested Gromit.

KNOCK! KNOCK! Wallace answered the door to Inspectors Frost and Morse.

"Hi, sir. I'm here to ask about a pair of moving trousers," greeted Morse.

"No! I am!" argued Frost.

"No! I am!"

"No! I am!"

And the two best cops in British Television were acting like the worst students in a pre-school play area. But Wallace and Gromit were drunk that they continue to drink and they were gambling.

"I wage two hundred on John Thaw!" shouted Wallace.

"I'll risk five hundred on David Jason!" shouted Gromit.

"Jason isn't his real name, you know!" shouted back Wallace.

And as they were arguing and gambling, the "pair of moving trousers" was walking and causing havoc and mayhem in West Wallaby.

THE END


	7. Credits

"...and so everyone was happy," finished Stewie.

But everyone was asleep. They had been sleeping through the whole story.

"Why tell stories if your audience will fall asleep?" he growled. Then the Breakdown Service Van arrived and the Griffins woke up and ran happily to them.

"Well, at least you entertained yourself," moaned Stewie in a fed-up mood.

* * *

Cast List

Peter Griffin as Wallace

Brian Griffin as Gromit

Stewiw Griffin as Feathers McGraw

Featuring:

Dr. Hartman as the dresser

Al Harrington as himself

Tom Tucker as himself

Diana Simmons as herself

Ollie Williams as himself

Stan Smith (from _American Dad!_) as himself

Roger the Alien (from _American Dad!_) as Stan's "son"

Other Cast members and celebrities include:

The Ghostbusters, Slimer and the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man (from _Ghostbusters_)

Basil Fawlty and Manuel (from _Fawlty Towers_)

Tim Allen

Oscar the Crouch (from _Sesame Street_)

Rocky Balboa

Flash the DC Superhero

Cyclops (from X-Men)

Tigger from (Winnie the Pooh)

Spider-Man (the Marvel Superhero)

Obi-Wan Kenobi (from _Star Wars_)

Lindsay Lohan

Ginger and the Chickens from _Chicken Run_.

Jack Frost

Inspector Morse

Ash and Pikachu (from _Pokemon_)

Horton and the Whos (from _Horton Hears a Who_)

The Simpsons

Hugh Hefner

Manny, Sid and Diego (from _Ice Age_)

**Credits**

Written by Bobby South

Based on _The Wrong Trousers_ written by Nick Park and Bob Baker, with additional contributions by Brain Sibley

Wallace and Gromit created by Nick Park

_Family Guy _and _American Dad!_ created by Seth MacFarlane

_Family Guy_ co-developed by David Zuckerman

_American Dad! _co-created by Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman

The End

Peter and Brian will return as Wallace and Gromit in _Sheep Movie_.


End file.
